Huad Ma Chips Ah've Drapped the Wean

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In yer face, cheeky, kindly, gallus, astute; that's a Glesca granny for you. Glesca grannies' communication is direct, warm, expressive, rich and often hilarious.

'Dinnae cross yer eyes. Ye'll end up like that squinty bridge.'
'Oor doctor couldnae cure a plouk oan a coo's erse.'
'This is me since yesterday.'
'That wan wid breastfeed her weans through the school railings.'
'Ah'm jist twinty-wan, an ah wis born in nineteen-canteen.'
'Cummere you. Ah've only goat the wan hug left the day.'
'Ye don't wash yer dishcloot an yer knickers thegither.'
'Ah could hang oot ma washin oan that petted lip.'
'It's been like that since the lord left Partick.'
'If ye ask me that wan is haun-knitted.'
'Ah'm fed up wi the hale jing bang lot o ye.'
'The secret o life is an aspirin a day, a wee dram, an nae sex oan Sundays.'